The Bleeding That Wouldn’t Stop
After the initial shock of the abortion wore off that evening, I called a friend and poured out my grief. She came over, sat with me, and tried to comfort me. But I felt empty. And in that vacuum, grief and shame crept in, taking root in guilt and growing rapidly into despair.
The next day, life continued around me. My family moved, my home stood, and my heart still beat. But I wasn’t living—I was just existing. Waiting for the relief that never came. For two miserable days, I waited with no feeling, no peace, and no hope.
Then came the bleeding. More than I thought possible.
Alone in the Darkness
Two days later, I began to bleed heavily. The flow didn’t stop. I waited through the evening, uncertain if what I was experiencing was normal. I remembered the pill they’d given me and took it, hoping it would help. But by midnight, the bleeding was worse. I got up quietly. My husband slept. I didn’t wake him.
He had said he would support whatever I chose. But now, it felt like I made the decision alone, and I was living through the consequences alone.
I stood in the darkness of our bathroom, terrified. I thought, What if I have to go to the hospital? What will I say? That I’m bleeding from an abortion? I didn’t want anyone to know.
I crumpled onto the floor, sobbing. I could die tonight, I thought. This might be it. And that was the first time I ever truly faced death.
Crying Out for Mercy
My body shook as I cried on the bathroom floor. I cried out to God:
“Lord, I don’t want to die. I know what I did was wrong. I don’t want to die.”
That’s when a verse came to mind: “An eye for an eye.” It hit me hard.
I realized I had taken a life—my own child’s life.
Suddenly, I was consumed with guilt. I heard the lie of the enemy whispering: You deserve to die. Justice has come. You are guilty. And it felt true. I had broken the commandment: Thou shalt not kill. I felt the full weight of my decision and the judgment I believed was coming.
Grace in the Middle of the Floor
And then I collapsed forward, sobbing: “I’m sorry, God. I’m so, so sorry.”
I expected coldness. I expected silence. I expected Him to leave me alone in the dark.
But instead, as I exhaled repentance, I inhaled forgiveness.
Not judgment. Not shame. Forgiveness.
I was wrapped in God’s love—an unexplainable, all-consuming grace. It was not heard with my ears but felt deep in my soul. His love responded to every tear, every “I’m sorry.” I knew I was forgiven. Not because I deserved it, but because Jesus had already paid for it on the cross.
Changed Forever by Grace
When I stood up to return to bed, I knew something had changed. I was still me—but touched by God. And when God touches you like that, you don’t walk away the same.
The impossible had happened.
I had been forgiven.
Not ignored, not condemned, but redeemed.
💬 Closing Reflection:
Recovery from the emotional trauma of abortion isn’t a one-time event. It’s a process—but healing is possible. I still grieve. I still wish I could undo that day. But God didn’t leave me there. He met me in my darkness and bought me back from despair.
If you’ve walked a similar road, you need to know: you are not alone. There is forgiveness. There is healing. There is redemption—through the blood of Jesus Christ.
“Never again the same.”
Praise God. Never again the same.
